This Is The Way I See It

This quote was on the cup of my Peppermint Mocha (grande) at Starbucks the other day:

People need to see that, far from being an obstacle, the world's diversity of languages, religions and traditions is a great treasure, affording us precious opportunities to recognize ourselves in others.
Youssou N'Dour, musician

While I applaud efforts like this, or Poetry in Motion on the subway (short poems or excerpts on posters), in place of advertising, I would prefer they not consist of meaningless platitudes. Part of what bothers me is the platitude itself; part of it is people's reception of said platitude: pleased mumblings of "hear hear, we should think this way," followed by finishing your $5 coffee, getting into your four-door sedan and driving to the grocery store where you buy enough food to feed a village, all the while feeling self-satisfaction at your expanded worldview.

So here: I get N'Dour's point. Let's not treat our differences as antagonisms, less-thans. Valid and worthy. But they're still differences. That cannot be changed, and we need to acknowledge that. Call the room. Acknowledging them as anything else is like taming a lion by pretending it's a jackrabbit. Sure, that'll give you the courage to approach it, but it won't make the lion tear your face off any less.

What of herself could a burkha-clad Afghani woman see in an American blonde tanning poolside, wearing a two-piece? In what way does not sharing a language make it any easier for me to understand a Russian's take on capitalism? N'Dour's probably the kind of person that says "Who wants a perfect world? That's boring." No, it's perfect. Or "If we were all the same, we'd never grow." No, we'd all grow the same because we'd quit blowing each other up trying to prove who's right.

There is little to nothing of me in a fundamentalist Mormon or a jackbooted fascist (inevitable comparison by juxtaposition incorrect, unintentional and unfortunate), and I'm fine with that.

Tara Wall views the world very differently than I

Tara Wall, a former adviser to the RNC and former Bush appointee, just wrote a commentary on CNN (click here for the article) in which she claims that Bush will be vindicated one day, then continues to spin out the garbage that the executive branch has been leaving all over the air waves for the last month or so. For those of us glad to see Bush in hiding throughout the election and the holidays, whatever joy we had has been replaced by aneurysm-inducing fury over this "legacy campaign" he's been waging before having to vacate the premises this weekend.

The first main point she makes is Bush's perceived success in "protecting the homeland" and that the steps he took "led to a better world." Allow me to remind Ms. Wall, and anyone reading this, about reality. 3000 Americans died in 9/11 under Bush's watch. Why is he (and his fatuous supporters) giving himself a free pass on the worst attack on American soil in sixty years? It wasn't his job yet? Even denying the fact that he was given a memo about bin Laden's plans to attack a month before, is it not a shortcoming of his administration that this happened? And how did waging an endless war in a country that had nothing to do with that attack make the world any better? How has he not completely lost his mind from lying to himself for the last six years?

Here's another telling quote: "The legacy Bush leaves behind won't be everything he wanted (particularly as it relates to popularity), but on many fronts, it will be better than that of his predecessor. Bill Clinton may have been popular, but his moral failings brought shame on the office of the presidency and tainted the people's house." Moral failings? The death of 7000 Americans isn't a moral failing? I'll take blowjobs in the Oval Office over dead Americans any day. Call it immoral if you want, I don't give a fuck.

And she ends with this: "That is the legacy he wants. Popular or not, he kept America safe. And if nothing else, for that, he will be vindicated." I wish the faces of the 3000 that died on 9/11 could haunt Bush and anyone that agrees with this statement for the rest of their lives; lives hopefully lived in complete obscurity.

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Predictions for Real World: Brooklyn

•The wide-eyed innocence of episode one will be replaced with back-biting paranoia by episode three.

•The faux-hawked Mormon virgin will decide he “might be into boys” in the fourth episode.

•The Iraq vet will decide he isn’t ready to be under a microscope for two months and leave in the fifth episode. The beauty queen’s breasts will take his place.

•The transgendered woman will have the fewest hang-ups.

•I will lose a piece of my soul every Wednesday at 10 PM.

•Who am I kidding? The Vegas cast took my soul. And my youthful illusion that Vegas was a place of wonder and vitality. Which is still true if wonder=elbow herpes and vitality=discounted implants.

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Thanksmurdergiving

A lot of attention has been given to turkeys this week, above and beyond their normal duties as post-dinner couch-crashing football-watching stomach distenders. Thanks to Governor Palin, we've all had an intimate look at just how they make their way from idyllic farms to that weird Butterball netting. And, as always, there's the presidential pardon.

Look, despite the title of this post, and where you may think it's going, I'm not some pinko leftie vegan blood-throwing PETA member. I'm just a pinko leftie. But in talking about current events, the illustrious Amy and I came upon this point: what the hell is the purpose of the presidential turkey pardon? Doesn't it only serve to emphasize the fact that we're killing and eating thousands of turkeys while heads of state arbitrarily postpone the deaths of a handful of turkeys so those turkeys can go to Disneyworld (no joke)?

Meanwhile, I'm thankful for my girlfriend, and my awesome friends and family, and not having any money invested in the stock market, and having ample time to sharpen my Halo skills, and all that great crap, etc etc.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Questions for the People

Hello People, how are you? I have some questions that I would like answered, if possible.

1. Why are you spitting? I never spit. Is your mouth different from mine? Do you have some sort of weird glandular thing happening in there? Also, what are you doing that produces so much phlegm in your throat? Again, not a problem I have. Am I a superhuman mutant? I'm confused.

2. Why are you talking so loudly on the phone? Do you have a problem with your hearing, or perhaps a cold? Do you enjoy it when other people near you yell loudly about how much their dog eats? Perhaps you are not aware of how much telephone technology has developed. Gone are the days when you had to yell at the operator to connect you with KLondike5-5782. Now, there are tiny microphones in the device, rather close to your mouth, that pick up the sounds you make and translate them into a signal which is then re-translated back into sound close to the listener's ear. I'm sorry, you look confused. Let me try again. STOP YELLING. THEY CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE.

3. Why are you standing in that doorway/gate/turnstile? That area in which you are motionless is an entrance/exit. By definition, entrances/exits exist so that people may move through them. By standing still there, you are acting against the very definition of that entrance/exit. How would you like it if someone acted against your very definition? There are a variety of places here that you may stand, wherein you will not be violating ANY definitions. Walls, pillars, these would be fine forms of support. And also you're in my fucking way.

3a. Why are you standing so close to me? I applaud you for not standing in a doorway/gate/turnstile, but now you're four inches from me. I have a funny personality quirk in which I do not like to feel someone whom I have not met breathing on me. Also, if I am not mistaken, you had Indian food for lunch. I love Indian food. I would prefer to discover through conversation that you ate Indian food today, as opposed to smelling it coming from your pores. Which I can see.

4. Who are you talking to? You seem to be alone right now, and you are not making eye contact with anyone, yet I believe you are talking. Are you aware that sound is coming out of your mouth? You appear to have dressed yourself this morning in some form of shelter, so I can only assume you are neither mentally challenged/disturbed, nor homeless. This leaves me at a loss. Do you hear responses to what you are saying? If you wish to address the public at large, I think it would be in your best interest to speak up. And form your sounds into words.

4a. Why are you singing? I remember that song. 1993, right? Interesting. I did not care for that song then. And in this age of honesty and armchair criticizing, I feel it is imperative to tell you that you are a very bad singer. I am listening to music right now as well, rather loud music actually, and as moving as I find it I am not compelled to sing right now. Why are we different?

5. Why are you making out with that person? I love my girlfriend very much; however, I don't have her pinned against a wall licking her face. Does that mean you love that person more than I love my girlfriend? I doubt that. Even if you do love that person that much, could you perhaps muffle the wet smacking sounds? I find it very distracting, and I have never been bulimic so I have a problem with vomiting.

Thank you, People, for your time. That's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll think of a few more things in the near future.

Office Coffee Politics

I'm temping this week at a reception desk. A woman just leaned over my desk to look at something on my computer and in the process unwittingly put her hair in my coffee. She didn't notice and I didn't say anything just to spite her for putting her hair in my coffee. I assume she has coffee dribbling down her shirt right now.

I'm still gonna drink the coffee.

Obligatory Post-Election Thoughts

Look, this situation is largely speaking for itself, so there's not a lot that a random jackass in Brooklyn can really add to the dialogue. So it's a good thing no one actually reads this, I guess. But I probably won't be able to post anything else until I talk about this, so here it is.

This is the first time in my life that the candidate I voted for was elected to the top position in the country. That, and the history of the occasion, are overwhelming, but I'm having a hard time really enjoying it. I guess the biggest feeling is just relief, but I'm already worried about 2012 because anyone would need at least two terms to turn things around here. It's still disheartening how divided our country is, that a "mandate" comes as a result of a 53-46 win. And I'm just putting my head through hard surfaces over the bigoted measures that got passed in Arizona, Arkansas, California, and Florida. I'm aggravated at "the news" for not having the sack to call a bigot a bigot and point out the blatant contradiction of electing Obama while telling homosexuals that they just don't matter as much as the rest of us.

But those are all negatives. I can't imagine how I would feel right now if McCain/Palin were lining up their cabinet. I suppose I see this election as a beginning that was inevitable to me, because it's my generation that put Obama up there. I'm so excited that kids growing up will see a black man in the White House, because that does more in the name of equality and civil rights than any bill our Congress could pass. There's no soapbox high enough to rival that statement. Historians will look at politics in two sections: before Obama was elected President, and after. And I get to see it all.

Someone, someday, will get to see the distinction between gay and straight marriage eliminated. This is truth, simple and undeniable. I know this like I know my name, which is exactly why I am so frustrated at the situation. The "liberal" cause has always prevailed. It was a liberal idea to free the slaves, give them the vote, give women the vote, even to form our country. Why can't people see this, and get out of the way of the human race? And those are just the principles behind the idea, not the law itself. On what basis can we possibly deny such a basic right to any law-abiding citizen, after all we've been through, after all that's been fulfilled with this election?

Congratulations President Obama. Thank you. And good luck.